From the day I set foot in middle school it became apparent that everything from that point on was to be done to prepare for College. I needed to know what I wanted to do when I grew up and I needed to know fast.
I even asked my counselor about this during her visit to my first period science class. The silliness of all of this wasn't lost on my then 12 year old mind. She responded with a calculated and matter of fact “Yes, you should have things planned” or some such thing.
From that moment on until the day I graduated from High School every action, whether solo or in a class of non-behaving students, was countered with a warning of how this or that wouldn't fly in college.
There were warnings of professors that were cold and uncaring, of writing forty page papers every night that no matter how well you wrote them, no matter how hard you worked, would totally get an “F”.
As it turned out I went to a small college filled with classmates from small towns who had no idea what to expect in college. Everything that was foreshadowed like a chilling Nostradamus prophecy never came to pass. Professors actually seemed more patient than the teachers from my former school district.
All of this planning resulted in constant tests to determine what my pre-teen classmates and I should take the following semester so we were on the right path to whatever our major was going to be in college.
I only remember one such survey. The end result was that I should be an author. Sounds great right? But why not rock star? Or Astronaut? The odds of a successful career in such a field seemed not worth the bother even then.
A classmate of mine didn't take the survey seriously, as well he shouldn't have. His end result was that he should pursue the “Tree Surgeon” career path. I’m sure the counselor involved didn't like that result as I’m not aware of any “Tree Surgeon” major at the local university.
Despite all the angst and distrust caused by all this future planning I must admit that survey was correct. I truly believe that I was wired to be an author or at least a writer. I can admit that now. Still, the prospects of being able to make a living doing so were and are on par with winning the lottery or Bo Pelini admitting fault for something*.
I instead went the safe route, heading towards the Computer Programming world, in which I’m happy. Still I don’t think it’s what I was designed to do.
For a time when the required Calculus classes for the Computer Science major were still making me their @#$%& and flunking me out of school very late in my College Career, I briefly considered switching majors to English. I wasn't forced to pull the trigger as my genius (and 5th and final adviser) managed to substitute the remainder of my Calc classes for some flowcharts business class and a business organization class I could take offline. On top of everything else, I never even had to do a final project. To this day I still have to remind myself that I ACTUALLY DID graduate.
How those two joke classes add up to Calc 2, 3,4 and a final project I’ll never know, but for that wizard of an adviser I’ll be forever grateful.
I had a lot of English major friends though. All but two of them got their teaching degree to go with it. I only remember two friends who got their English degree and didn't go on to teach. One is working at ShopKo and the other has been working at Olive Garden for 10+ years now.
This reminds me of the old college major joke:
The Engineering major asks, "How does it work?"
The Accounting major asks, "How much does it cost?"
The Art major asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
Jokes aside, if that’s what you’re passionate about you should totally go for it. And even if you are in year ten of distributing free breadsticks and grinding cheese into a salad while waiting to hear “when”, at least you studied what you love.
So does that mean I’m quitting my job, buying an old timey typewriter and going to town? Heck no! Daddy needs his nacho money.
I’m struggling to get to my point here (big surprise) but I’ll take a swing at it. It goes a little something like this.
It’s all about setting your standards very very low and exploiting technicalities. How very American of me right?
Just like an indoor football player from some town you've never heard of can lay claim to being a professional football player even if he only makes $200 bucks a game, I can say I’m a professional writer if I get money in exchange for writing something, no matter how small that amount of money.
I never thought of this until just now, but someone could just pay me a dollar to write something for them. That would be way better than the scheme I was concocting...oh well. I’ll still roll with “Scheme A”.
The other dream I have is both more and less attainable thanks to advancements in technology. I work in the book industry, complete with a warehouse. Ever since college I've always dreamed of having one copy of my book on a shelf there, even if I never sell a copy.
Everyone knows just how bad the odds are about getting something published. All the submissions and rejections. In fact it’s my understanding most publishers won’t even read anything unless you have an agent. All these things combined made my “shelf dream” always seem like a far off goal.
This is where the wonders of technology and the internet come in. Thanks to the wonderful internet world we live in anyone can self publish. It’s just a matter of money (just like everything else in America, more on that in the coming blogs).
Yes, even Jethro from Raccoon Kill, Alabama can self publish his 800 page manifesto on how the squirrels in his backyard are involved in a secret government conspiracy to control his mind.
Obviously I need to do more research especially if I’m going up against Jethro, but it’s worth a look. In the mean time….back to “Scheme A”.
When I started writing this I didn't realize how much legalese was/is involved. So much so, I can’t even tell you how it works, what it is, or any other number of things I don’t fully understand. The good news is you’re all smart people and I’m sure you’ll figure it out pretty quickly.
I’m pretty sure even if I follow all the rules they will find their way out of the deal. If that happens I’m still okay with it, it’s all about chasing a dream. I’m just grateful I don’t have to keep running breadsticks to people while doing so.
*= You didn’t really think I’d let the Bo firing go without sneaking in a shot at him did you?
